In a world that has been historically male-dominated, it is no doubt that
women are a little confused about what their role should be. We have
been taught, coached, educated and influenced to think and act like
men if we want to succeed. If you don’t believe me, try walking into your
boss’s office to tell him (or her!) that you feel frazzled and need a day
off for self-reflection and to journal your life’s purpose so that you can
return re-focused and re-generated. Or indicate that you are saddened
by the office dynamics and you’d like to host a weekly support group for
people to vent their concerns, completely for the sake of being heard
and not necessarily dedicated to providing answers. In our society, men
hold the majority of leadership positions in industry and government.
Women who have mastered the ability to call upon their masculine
qualities also rise to the top of these male-dominated organizations.
The characteristics that make a male or female person successful in our
current culture are, in general, male characteristics such as strength,
power and pragmatism. The definition of “success” is another topic
entirely and remains very personal and unique to each of us. When
women draw upon the soft, gentle, empathetic and emotional parts
of being feminine, they become affiliated with those qualities and, in
most cases, those virtues will not help them reach their full professional
potential. In fact, learning to quell those traits will be essential to moving
up the corporate ladder. Sheryl Sandberg (Chief Operating Officer of
Facebook), writes, “Maybe someday shedding tears in the workplace will
no longer be viewed as embarrassing or weak, but as a simple display
of authentic emotion. And maybe the compassion and sensitivity that
have historically held some women back will make them more natural
leaders in the future. In the meantime, we can all hasten this change by
committing ourselves to both seek—and speak—our truth.” (From her
book, Lean In, 2013)

The bedroom is very different from the boardroom. Do you ever wonder
why the book, 50 Shades of Grey was so darn popular? Was it literary
genius? I think not. The fascination, albeit harsh at times, is that women
enjoy submission and being led by their sexual partners. True intimacy
assumes a loving, secure, trusting relationship that infiltrates all aspects
of the relationship, from folding the sheets together to playing between
them. Those qualities that women spend years learning to repress are
the very ones they need to hasten in order to follow the erotic guidance
of a partner who values them for all of their innate qualities, expresses
appreciation for their non-sexual contributions to the family and has
taken the time to learn every nook and cranny of their person. I educate
women to know their body and all of their erogenous zones and to
share that tutelage with their partner in order to deeply connect on all
levels.

If you desire a more deeply connected sexual relationship with your
partner, I challenge you to work with me through this special Woman to
Woman series and for the next two months do these three things:

Go to: DrCatherineHansen.com, explore the resources focused on helping with your relationship. 

Do some role-playing. Schedule a “play date” on the calendar a few times
this month and learn something new about your partner’s body. Even
if you think you know it all, things change, hormones change, bodies
change and there is always something new to learn. There may even
be something that your partner doesn’t know about his/her own body!
Women, remember to relax and enjoy the guidance. If you think you
don’t have time, you probably don’t, but then don’t expect anything to
change.

When was the last time you asked your partner to put into words what the future holds for both of you? This month, gently and without judgment, find out your partner’s top three life’s goals. If he/she cannot answer this question, open dialogue to help focus the conversation. We all need to know “why” and, often, it can change over time.

This series on Sexual Health will walk you through the current medical model for managing concerns with sexual function, but this perspective cannot be disembodied from the deeply emotional and psychological layers that make us, humans, both the most complicated sexual beings on earth and the most wonderful.